Kinda Lost

Hum..., as I think out loud.

I have been in a kinda rut lately. Not sure why - just know that I am.

As a spiritualist I know that things happen for a reason and that everything comes to an end - bad or good. Despite the fact that it has been 7 arduous months of struggling financially for us and still no sign of things getting better - the overall mood in our home has been a good one. Money issues have never really bothered me because something always comes along. But of late I have been paralysed, if you will, in getting things done. My drive to create new things independent of orders that I get from our etsy site has taken a back seat.

Even meditation, which normally lifts my spirits to a positive level hasn't helped much. I can't even say that people have disappointed me because they haven't. What is it - I wonder - that is bringing me down? Usually by this time of year I am elbow deep in soil in my garden.., but not this time.

I look at our sales in our shop and I am quite pleased actually. I compared ours to other sellers and can't help but think how disheartening it must be for some vendors to get little if no sales at all. How dare I feel down! I thank God each and every day for getting us through, for each sale and for the money that trickles in for food - I thank God. I have everything I need. A devoted husband, three great and loving children and a roof over my head so why am I down?

While in meditation today I asked my spirit guide for answers. I was shown text from a chat room move swiftly across my mind. As I tried to read it, it disappeared. I heard the words, "look back" and then nothing to explain the meaning. And as I walked around the house picking up laundry, I was shown the words, "distracted and unfocused".

Maybe this is true. Am I letting things bother me that normally wouldn't? Am I slow to start on new projects because I am not focused? Possibly. Where is this frustration coming from?

As I try to write this blog I am distracted by laughter. *turned up lip* My son is telling my husband about a rumor that is making it's rounds at school. Apparently, Chris, our son, who is 15yrs old, was pulled over by the police and as a result of this our family van was impounded. Pretty hard to do considering I'm looking at it in our driveway now. 0_o!! Moreover, that the boy recounting the incident to Chris and on lookers apparently witnessed the incident and told Chris he looked peed at the officer. Chris found this rather amusing and opted to let it ride, (he didn't rebut the statement) because as he sees it. The rumour will only grow legs and take off regardless of what he tells people. So the running joke in our house is.., Chris can't drive the van 'cause he might get it impounded. *a bit of humor* :)

Thanks for the ear!

Anne ^i^

A Test of Faith

To test a dye that we may use on our products I made this wristband. The test was a failure but I fell in love with the wristband regardless. I wear it often, especially when I need to remind myself to have faith in God and that things will work out.

Yes, it may be a ostentatious bracelet but if I am going to ask for help I might as well ask for it loudly. On the other side of it, which you don't see, are the words, "Thank you, God." I am Christian and I do believe in the power of prayer and as a spiritualist I know He hears us.

In mid-November we had problems with our '97 SUV. Unexpectedly, "Jimmy needed major repairs to pass the emissions test. Thus taking a huge bite out of our Christmas money. With cool heads John and I presevered having faith that the money would magically show up. The magic of prayer and positive thinking brought us a rush of sales from our Etsy site at Christmas and continues to this day.

Sadly, it has been reported that our area (near Toronto, Canada) has a recorded high amount of snow fall in over 75 years. That translates to - yes - you have it, "Jimmy" lost his reverse gear. Parking for the last two months has been a challenge..., sigh!! Again, John and I remained calm and put our faith in God that we would get through this. The sales continued to come in and we thank Him for every blessing. At one point we believed the crisis was over...., until of course one afternoon, while taking our son to work in the next town, the transmission ceased to work. Jimmy would not go beyond second gear. Thirty-five kilometers an hour was all it could do. I never thought I would look forward to stopping for red lights or travelling behind slow moving vehicles. In fact, John and I would laugh when a garbage truck sped off leaving us trailing behind.

Since we have invested all our savings in getting our business off the ground, cash flow is sparce. At least the interact machines haven't laughed at us yet - that's a good sign.
As I look down at my wristband I sent out another request to the universe - any color vehicle will do - God -thank you!! Patience is our lesson at this time.

When I start to feel sorry for myself and downtrodden I think of the ladies that I have met on etsy. All of them in their own way have faced great adversities. One of my most recent friends is, Nancy. In one of our first conversations she candidely shared some life experiences with me. Hers dwarfed mine by a longshot. An error occurred during a transaction and I wanted to re-imburse her for it. She nonchalantly told me to send it along stating, they are just things! She was referring to objects in our lives that most of us (me) consider(d) important. She in her own way reminded me of what is important in our short lives. It is something I give thanks for everyday - my family. When I feel like I am drowning in circumstance I close my eyes for a second and imagine them gone. Everything else pales in comparison.

Pat is another such friend. She and Nancy have helped me open my eyes. Their kindness and candor is refreshing and welcome.

This is a chakra necklace which I use in meditation

To the wonderful people that chat with me on our Etsy site and my good friends, Kim and Deb, at the post office, their friendly smile and kind words get me through these hard times. Thank you!!!

Smiles!!! ^i^